* fix optimizer reset
* set states to reset for 8bit optimizers and handle quantile runtime error for embeddings
* fix relora test to check grad_norm
* use flash attn for relora and tweak hyperparams for test
* fix messages field for test dataset
* bump flash attention 2.5.8 -> 2.6.1
* use triton implementation of cross entropy from flash attn
* add smoke test for flash attn cross entropy patch
* fix args to xentropy.apply
* handle tuple from triton loss fn
* ensure the patch tests run independently
* use the wrapper already built into flash attn for cross entropy
* mark pytest as forked for patches
* use pytest xdist instead of forked, since cuda doesn't like forking
* limit to 1 process and use dist loadfile for pytest
* change up pytest for fixture to reload transformers w monkeypathc
